Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
