I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
