Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS