Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.