She is in my trunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.