I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.