8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)