I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
