you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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