Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Whiskey dick.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Everyday of my life.

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  (417): Whiskey dick. (810): Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it. (417): Everyday of my life. http://tfl.nu/axyq
  Replies (3) Good night (901) Bad night (1042)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?

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  (812): can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex? http://tfl.nu/5ngg
  Replies (10) Good night (3254) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.

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  (727): and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go. http://tfl.nu/b20y
  Replies (37) Good night (10160) Bad night (1256)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010

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  (304): Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010 http://tfl.nu/5ejl
  Replies (8) Good night (1499) Bad night (2314)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here

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  (859): Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here http://tfl.nu/kvme
  Replies (13) Good night (1933) Bad night (4773)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.

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  (603): Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case. http://tfl.nu/luz6
  Replies (18) Good night (1073) Bad night (2187)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.

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  (720): It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer. http://tfl.nu/gu1j
  Replies (8) Good night (1077) Bad night (1816)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

  (850): View more from Florida

  This has already gotten way out of hand

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  (336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e
  Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

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  (610): I can't. I will literally throw up my liver (484): Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume. http://tfl.nu/eh54
  Replies (2) Good night (1680) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.

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  (910): I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier. http://tfl.nu/vwj3
  Replies (9) Good night (1327) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.

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  (817): Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it. http://tfl.nu/7l3r
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter

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  (404): So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter http://tfl.nu/fadw
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?

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  (+44): Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card? http://tfl.nu/fw4l
  Replies (4) Good night (1161) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So what's going on?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.

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  (630): So what's going on? (1-630): We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid. http://tfl.nu/vkkl
  Replies (4) Good night (786) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"

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  (206): Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon" http://tfl.nu/mddc
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (223)

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