Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore

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  (703): i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore http://tfl.nu/70pj
  Replies (32) Good night (2960) Bad night (826)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

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  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4536) Bad night (747)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

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  (248): If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in http://tfl.nu/mb19
  Replies (9) Good night (861) Bad night (3197)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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  (484): Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd. http://tfl.nu/wjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (3674) Bad night (1120)
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  (951): View more from California

  This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

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  (951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (3979)
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  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.

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  (510): Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009. http://tfl.nu/bpk8
  Replies (36) Good night (700) Bad night (6677)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

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  (208): I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in. http://tfl.nu/ba7z
  Replies (13) Good night (4216) Bad night (1771)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.

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  (330): I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse. http://tfl.nu/kxn7
  Replies (2) Good night (1919) Bad night (758)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.

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  (870): I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god. http://tfl.nu/nsks
  Replies (8) Good night (2477) Bad night (1208)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.

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  (610): Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on (484): Who said I was judging? More like congratulating. http://tfl.nu/coiy
  Replies (10) Good night (2162) Bad night (581)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.

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  (620): Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like. http://tfl.nu/q54q
  Replies (10) Good night (1651) Bad night (1126)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?

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  (905): When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog? http://tfl.nu/u47g
  Replies (7) Good night (516) Bad night (1360)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired

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  (915): Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired http://tfl.nu/r2a7
  Replies (5) Good night (781) Bad night (1523)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night

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  (717): i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night http://tfl.nu/ncnb
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (222)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times

  (1-315): View more from New York

  NAh son

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Just general bites

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  (315): You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times (1-315): NAh son (1-315): Just general bites http://tfl.nu/mt70
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (243)

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