Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?