We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
