drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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