Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
