Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
