i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
