stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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