got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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