Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
