Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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