i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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