i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
