i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
