No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
