is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
