So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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