Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
