there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
