More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
