On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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