Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
