u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
