I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
