very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
