I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize