I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
