i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
