It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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