I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
