If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
