I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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