i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
