Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
