ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
