Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
