it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
