I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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