im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
