I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
pray to the hookup gods
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
