He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You are a genius and a whore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize