The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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