So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize