you guys were way drunker than both of me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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