I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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