he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
