He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
