He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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