I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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