That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
