I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
