I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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