It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
