sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
