I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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