I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
