She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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