Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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