I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
