just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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