Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize