What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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